Building Resilience

Who couldn't use a little more success?!? The techniques in this article are the keys to building resilience in the face adversity. Life's obstacles provide the perfect training ground. My favorite is #7 "Don't focus on problems--only solutions." I'm actively focusing on solutions to #5 "Squash negative self-talk" with a goal of getting 1% better daily!The only aspect I disagree with is the term "toxic people". I like to view the traits (or coping skills used) as toxic and not the person. I'd love to hear your perspective!

Tapping to "Own Your Focus"

Tapping --- a great technique to "Own Your Focus"! Thank you to the parent who shared this video with me. Many therapists teach this technique with great results. Hope this helps!

Where the "Ghost Busters' Guy" Choose to Put His Focus

Interesting story about where Rick Moranis (that Ghost Busters’ guy) 
chose to put his focus.

Ed Sheeran's Focus

Focus on our limitations, we are limited. 

Focus on our strengths, we are limitless.

I love Ed Sheeran's story! We all have to deal with problems-- instead of letting the problems choose us, actively choose the problems we WANT to solve.

Turning a Problem into an Opportunity

How can a child turn a problem into an opportunity? This video of the soon-to-be princess is a great example!

Tips for Helping Your Child Focus & Concentrate

Need help getting your child to focus? These 7 tips are a great start!My favorite is #2–STOP MULTITASKING! Previously, I would get frustrated with myself when I would make a multitasking mistake...like making a typo while having a conversation. I didn’t realize that humans only have “single processing” brain...unlike a computer which can run multiple processes simultaneously. Understanding how my brain functions has greatly helped improve my focus. Go brain! 

Eliminating "You"

Eliminating the word "you" when disciplining kids. I recently read an article suggesting removing the word "you." For example, changing "You spilled the milk, please clean it up" to "Please clean up the spilled milk." It has worked for us surprisingly well. This simple technique removes blame and focuses on the action needed. Hope that is helpful!

Snail Mail Catalogs

Does anyone else feel disheartened by the volume of shopping catalogs in your mail? The picture shows the number of catalogs we receive daily! It seems like I call and cancel one and two more show up from random companies. Any ideas how to better reduce this focus stealing and wasteful practice of being bombarded by catalogs?

Happy Thanksgiving from our family to yours! I am grateful for so many blessings! While digesting dinner , consider this statement from the author Ryan Holiday, “we should also be grateful for ... the setbacks, for the squabbling habits of other people, for the stress they put on us and whatever other difficulties we might be experiencing. Why? Because we are only experiencing them because we are alive. Because they are a form of fuel for our philosophy. And as frustrating as they might be, it’s what Fortune chose for us and we might as well make the most of it.”

This thought process has brought me strength, I hope it does the same for you.

Glorious Fall Day

Watching the children play during yesterday’s glorious fall weather felt like a memory from my childhood with one obvious exception....the technology! Kids taking selfies, videoing stunts and a drone flying overhead.

Fumbling to take a picture, I missed the first jump into the “monster” leaf pile. Frustrated over losing the moment to technology, I chose to put my phone away. I observed the kids managing to enjoy playing while capturing hilarious images on their devices.

Do these technological advances add or taking away from the moment???

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Stephen & I pondered the question yesterday. For us, the answer lies somewhere along the cost-benefit spectrum of how disruptive we allow the technology to be versus our enjoyment of the footage. Trying to be mindful of where we are on this spectrum seems to hold some answers.

Mental Strength Can Be Taught

Mental strength can be taught. The techniques in this article are a great way to help our children "Own Their Focus"!

Trouble Getting the Kids to Listen?

If you have difficulty GETTING KIDS TO LISTEN, consider NOT SPEAKING.

"Talk less, listen more" has never been one of my strengths. This weekend I decided to test what happens if I didn't speak for a period of time. I wrote the family a note explaining that I was challenging myself to 4 hours without speaking. They thought it was funny and went about their morning. After an hour, the results were striking. Kids were pulling me around the house while telling me stories, creatively coming up with activities we could do without speaking, and our son actually begged me to talk...that was a first! When I wrote notes to the kids, they eagerly read them and followed my short written directions much more than my normal rambling words. If this is a problem you have, please try it. I would love to hear your results!

Reduce Fear of Failure

I'm finding this article helpful on my journey to overcome "fear of failure" in order to "Own My Focus". Hope you do as well! 

Make Failure Afraid of You!

My mother, a wonderful woman who has been a college professor for 48 years, would often say that her “fear of failure” would drive her to succeed. This same “fear of failure” pushed me most of my life to do “just enough”. It never inspired excellence in me, only anxiety. This anxiety stayed with me as I accomplished many goals; therefore, reinforcing the notion that “fear of failure” works.

On this uncharted journey to add value to others’ lives, the “fear of failure” stifles my creative process. Welcoming failure and learning from it is my new formula for success.

Boss Babes Talk

I’m excited to share “Own Your Focus” with a fabulous group of women this evening! Thank you WV Boss Babes for this opportunity to improve children’s self esteem through Focus!

Golden Girls Group Talk

Another great evening sharing the power of FOCUS to a wonderful group of kids at Golden Girls Group Home! Their stories and kind comments continue to drive our family’s passion.

Our Thoughts Become Things

Since first hearing these words from a woman whose focus changed the world, I have scrutinized the last line "WHAT WE THINK, WE BECOME."I've wondered is this true? If so, how do I stop from thinking negative thoughts? Isn't it true some negative thoughts can help prepare me for possible outcomes in a situation?According to scientist using fMRI technology, we very well may become what we think. The scans show neuronal pathways lighting up separate areas of the brain depending on if we are thinking about positive or negative thoughts. These thoughts then reinforce the neuronal pathways in that area of the brain.As for stopping negative thoughts, it turns out to be similar to breaking any other habit. It is a matter of stopping the negative thoughts as soon as they are noticed and purposely replacing with a positive thought; while each day setting a goal to get 1% better.Lastly, I do think that it is important to consider both positive and negative outcomes to be better prepared. For me the key has been to watch for the moment when my negative thoughts are no longer useful.

TESTING ON OUR CHILDREN:-)

We made a 'Family Goal List' and hung it in a prominent location. We all joined in and the girls got really creative! It was an easy & quick project. It was met with minimal resistance from the kids plus I've seen them referring to it a couple times. A business has stated goals...why not a family?

I'm also considering moving the sign’s location intermittently...shake it up a little:-). I appreciate the ideas and suggestions! Keep them coming! Thanks!

Mason County Schools Speech

We had the privilege of speaking at the Mason County Teen Institute on how to "Own Your Focus." Today was especially enjoyable because of the diverse age groups. I hope they learned as much from me as I did from them. Over 80 respectful and engaging kids...what a great experience!

I love this app! It is basically a file cabinet in my phone that I use for everything. One example ... each kids has their own file to store pictures of a special event, document a quote or take pictures of school work...a "digital baby book." Organizing life helps me own my focus :-)

What hacks help you "Own Your Focus"?

When I choose to focus on what I can control...my thoughts, beliefs & actions... I am amazed by the opportunities that present themselves.

On Thursday, my 10-year-old daughter & I had a wonderful evening participating in the "Girl Power" event at HIMG promoting self-esteem for middle school girls. I am grateful that my children are helping share ways to 'Own Your Focus' to improve lives!

Own Your Focus

Published by Shannon Smith Maxey, M.D. · August 15 · 

As a pediatrician for over 15 years, I have the privilege of interacting and guiding families during pivotal years. During this time, I've noticed a pattern emerging...patients suffering more from mental than physical causes. Adolescent depression, self injury and suicide rates are increasing, yet we live during the safest and most prosperous time in history. Why is this occurring?

In my own life, I've also suffered from my thought processes and the direction I choose to focus my attention. At the time I didn't realize that I had a choice in where I focused my attention and how I worked through problems. Realizing the crucial impact that focus has had on my life drives my need to better understand the power of FOCUS on happiness and fulfillment.

This site is my journey to better understand the power of focus and techniques to manipulate it in order to help myself and others. All the best on your journey to Own Your Focus.

Think you can Multitask...Think again.
If you are like most people, you feel more accomplished when you are working on more than one task at one time. In fact, you may think you are getting much more done than if you only focused on one thing at a time.  Guess what, you are wrong.  This may be the first time you have heard it or maybe heard you've heard it before and didn't pay attention or, maybe you are like me and so many others who have heard it and just thought we were special and could get way more done by multitasking. 

After looking at some of the latest research I am now a convert and am here to tell you why. First I need to dispel the myth that humans can multi-task. Computers can do it...we can not, plain and simple.  While my computer is able to have numerous windows running programs simultaneously, our brain engages in really fast task-switching.  To go between tasks, our brain has to turn "off" the first task and its corresponding set of rules then turn "on" the new task and populate a different set of rules.  The more complex the task, the more arduous the change.  It turns out there is a huge downside to multitasking.

Loss of Productivity. It takes more time to get tasks done when you switch from one task to another rather than doing one at a time. Research conducted at Stanford University found that multitasking is far less productive than doing a single thing at a time. The researchers also found those who regularly engage in several forms of electronic information at a time lack the attention and recall ability of their counterparts who work on one task at a time. Every time we switch tasks it may only take a fraction of a second but if you attempt this constantly throughout the day it can decrease your overall productivity by more than 40%.

Poor Quality. Not only does multitasking take more time, switching tasks increases the likelihood of errors.  Amount of time and number of errors both increase in direct proportion with the complexity of the task.  Recently a Harvard Medical School Blog highlighted an incident where a physician become distracted by a text message and incorrectly entered a patient's medicine into the computer.  

IQ and Learning.  A University of London Study contends that attempting to multitask can essentially lower your IQ by up to 15 points. This means that for someone with an average IQ of 100, you are close to the mental capacity of an of an 8 year old child.  In fact multitasking is directly correlated with smaller Gray-Matter density in the Anterior Cingulate Cortex which falls directly in line with similar UCLA Study findings stating that multitasking negatively affects the learning process.

...But There is Hope for Us

Luckily there is something we can do.  If we follow the steps below we can break the habit.

1. First we have to accept it....realize that you are trying to multi-task and it is not effective.  This may be the toughest step, but it is necessary if you want to make a change.  Like any addiction, it won't be easy coming down from the dopamine rush of seeing next tweet, facebook post, email or text. Realizing you aren't directing the full power of your focus where you want it, changes everything.
2. Define what task is most important and work on it first.  Many highly productive people only allow themselves 2 or 3 important tasks all day while giving each their full attention. One reason many feel the need to multi-task is secondary to the sense of urgency that kicks in as the day passes without much progress to our list.  Then we feel the need to rush a bunch of tasks to feel accomplished.  If we simply focus on our top item before moving on to the next, we will have at least accomplished our top priority and the urge to multitask will be diminished.
3. Do less.   At first this may seem counter intuitive, but there is a reason many highly effective people only focus on a few tasks per day...most of the other tasks really don't matter.  Use The Paredo Principle...I learned this and the next lesson from one of my favorite authors, Tim Ferriss, who wrote The 4-Hour Work Week.  He introduced me to the 80/20 rule.  It states that, for many events, roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes.  It holds true in most areas of life.  In our case we are interested in it's converse ... 20% of the effort to obtain 80% of the results.  As humans, we often mistake being busy for being effective.  The reverse is actually true...the busier we get the more multi-tasking we do and less effective we become.  Focus on the top 20% of your tasks, do them first and do them one at a time...you will get 80% of the results.
4. Focus your time and "batch process".  Do the exact opposite of multitasking.  Batch similar tasks together and designate time for that project.  Oftentimes I find myself sitting at my desk doing research when an email notification pops up and what do I do...and what do you do?...answer it.  If that isn't bad enough...we don't just answer that one, we view a few more and get sucked down the rabbit hole only to emerge an hour later with our "important" task uncompleted.  For this reason Tim Ferriss recommends turning off all notifications and batching your email to review and answer at set times during the day.  If you are really bold you can answer email like him...once per day or less.  Don't stop with email either.   Batch your phone calls, texting, voicemail or anything else that routinely distracts you during the day.  
5. Unplug.  You don't have to go "off the grid" or take a silent retreat to benefit.  Simply take a few hours per day or perhaps one day per week to go without internet, tv, phone--you know, those things that constantly distract us and steal our focus.  See the benefits yourself! For me, the first thing I noticed is that I automatically task-switch less simply because I have less to distract me.  I focused on the task for much longer than I normally would. From trying this, I found that frantically switching between tasks takes a lot of energy, increases errors, and wastes time.  

For me when I'm exhausted, making errors and wasting time, I am more anxious, agitated, unhappy and generally not pleasant to be around.  This truly is a case of Less really being More...Much More!

The Secret to Self-Motivation.

Own Your Focus

Published by Shannon Smith Maxey · 10 hrs · Many families have shared with me their struggle with motivation. Fortunately, I have the privilege of working with many wonderful people including a fabulously compassionate nurse who suggested this video could be beneficial for those families. Mel Robbins has a simple technique to interrupt negative thought patterns and take action. Hope this adds value!

Own Your Focus

Published by Shannon Smith Maxey · 14 hrs · 

These words of wisdom are as true today as when written 2500 years ago. Realizing the truth of this statement has brought a new level of peace into my life. Sharing it with children and their families has added value to mine and hopefully theirs.Attempting to change what isn't in our power is as futile as trying to change the weather. "Building the new" is accomplished by focusing on what is in our power to change--our thoughts, beliefs and actions.

Golden Girls

Own Your Focus

Published by Shannon Smith Maxey · 7 hrs · 

We had the privilege of speaking at GOLDEN GIRL's Group Home yesterday. We shared information about the power of being able to 'Own Your Focus'. Life can transformed when we add value to others using our skills and strive to improve 1% per day. This results in at least a 36-fold improvement in a year. The girls were engaging, inspiring and strong! Our family can't wait to return.

Happy Dragon Hunting

Own Your Focus

Published by Stephen Mullins · October 13 at 1:47pm · 

Girls seem to respond well to renaming their mistakes as "unicorns" (from previous post). Not surprisingly this imagery doesn't resonate with boys....some like the term "dragons". Next time you’re confronted with a failure, consider seeing it as a dragon to slay and learn from rather than a mistake. Happy “dragon hunting”!

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

We have all had those moments when we watch helplessly as child struggles with an emotion and lashes out. I found a great technique to help them work through it from the book below. It has already been incredibly helpful in the office and at home! Just hand the child a piece of piece and ask them to "draw their feelings." That is it...then move away! Please let me know if it works for you!

Finding Unicorns

***FINDING UNICORNS***"Failure isn't a badge of shame; it is a right of passage." I am so fond of this quote from the founder of Zappos that it hangs prominently in our home. It is a great message, yet I struggle translating this concept to our kids. Last night when reviewing tests and homework to find the "gems in failures", I was met with the usual resistance. Regardless of my explanation, the tension continued to build. After many misunderstandings, our daughter was able to verbalize, "When you say failure, it makes me feel like a failure. Can you call them unicorns?" ... I'll be focusing on UNICORNS from now on!!!

Dream Big and Your Problems Become Small

Own Your Focus

Published by Shannon Smith Maxey · October 3 at 11:23am · 

I love the idea of FOCUSing on dreaming BIG!

Smart Ways to Improve Concentration and Focus

Own Your Focus

Published by Shannon Smith Maxey · September 28 at 1:34pm · 

Think of your brain like a muscle and strengthen your focus with these evidence based techniques.

John Legend: My Mother Disappeared into Depression

Own Your Focus shared Goalcast's post.

Published by Shannon Smith Maxey · September 27 at 10:43pm · 

John Legend's ability to FOCUS towards LOVE & away from fear has driven his success.

What do you want to be when you grow up is the wrong question.

Own Your Focus

Published by Shannon Smith Maxey · October 5 at 9:10am · 

For years I have been asking my patients the wrong question. In an attempt to help kids dream about the future, I have been asking them, "What do you want to 'be' when you get big like me?"

I've come to realize that based on the rapid progression of technology, none of us know what our world is going to look like in the near future. Therefore my question which is meant to inspire is limiting.

My new question will be "What interests you and how do you hope to learn more about it?"

This mind expanding TED talk by renowned neuroscientist David Eagleman explains how our brain experiences "our slice of reality". More scientific proof that our input determines our reality. The Universe needs 'U'...so keep your FOCUS towards the interests that add to your happiness!